Early Crack
by Feynor
Summary: Sometimes I need or have a bit of crack to get rid of. This will be short bits of that. It is unlikely any will be continued, but all are free to adopt them.
1. Chapter 1

The shade of Voldemort was ready. He had finally found a new servant to help him back to Britain, even if the servant was a simpering fool with illusions of adequacy, a fool who had just failed him once more in acquiring the Philosophers Stone.

"It is time for me to keep a closer eye on you, my dear Quirrell" the shade hissed menacingly.

"M-m-my L-Lord?" Quirrell stuttered. That brought up the once proud man short. He never stuttered. Ever.

Meanwhile the shade of Voldemord finished his incantation to bond himself to Quirrell.

-o-o-o-

"Ah, Quirinus Quirrell, welcome back to Hogwarts," Albus Dumbledore greeted him as he entered the Headmasters office. "How was your sabbatical? Relaxing I hope."

Quirrell looked around and in turn nodded to the other teachers sitting in an arc in front of the headmasters raised desk, like children in front of their teacher. "Fine, fine." he replied crisply. "At least I found what I was looking for. Thanks for asking." he smiled back.

"No surprises or accidents I take?"

"Well, there were a few unforeseen problems near the end of my journey, but nothing I can't handle." Quirrell replied as he sat down next to McGonagall. In doing so he accidentally bumped the bulging pocket of his robes, setting off an angry chirping coming from that pocket.

"Is that a new pet you got there?" Hagrid boomed, as he leaned forward, interesting in having a look at it.

"It is," Quirrell replied trying to calm down the critter. "I only got him last week, but I just wouldn't leave him at home."

Snape snorted and sneered at the new DADA teacher, "A squirrel, Quirrell?"


	2. Chapter 2 - D-M-L-E

Harry opened the door to the headquarters for his new Auror job at the DMLE. He was still just a trainee, but his recent achievements against Voldemort had accelerated his time towards a full status as an Auror.

Out of habit he quickly surveyed the room, then froze and did a double take. He then slowly walked backwards out of the door again closing it quietly hoping no one had noticed him entering, followed by slowly backing away from the door as if distancing himself from a sleeping Nundu. As he did this he surveyed the corridor once more to make sure he had just gotten lost that morning.

No such luck tough, as the plaque announcing the entrance to be that of the DMLE was proudly emblazoned on the door itself.

His contemplations were interrupted when a leather clad woman with an outrageously large moustache opened the door, greeting Harry with a big smile. "Welcome to the D.M.L.E. Harry.", while a manly choir could be heard in the background singing

 _It's fun to stay at the d-m-l-e._  
 _It's fun to stay at the d-m-l-e._

 _They have everything for you men to enjoy,_  
 _You can hang out with all the boys ..._

Harry started to feel rather funny, as his legs started to feel a bit like jelly on a train ride. But before he could faint he woke up with a loud gasp and sat up in his bed, covered in sweat and heart pounding.

"Harry?" came the concerned question from he girl next to him. "Another nightmare?"

"It's... nothing" he finally stammered. "Go back to sleep."

"Oh good,there's no need to feel down," she replied as she crawled back under her covers, "And just go there, to the d.m.l.e. I'm sure they can help you today." she mumbled sleepily in a melody Harry would rather forget.


	3. Chapter 3 - Sorting

Harry watched as the blond git, Draco, walked towards the hat. He sat down with a slimy smirk, as if he already knew which house he was going to be sorted into.

The hat had barely touched the hair of the boy, in fact, it loked as if it was trying avoid touching the blonde at all, before it screamed "SLITHEEN!"

All chatter in the great hall went silent. Draco looked confused, and the Headmaster even more so.

"Ehrm," Dumbledore cleared his threat. "Don't you mean Slytherin?"

"No, this one definitely belong in Slitheen."

"But..." Draco stammered "I'm a Malfoy, I belong in Slytherin. All of my family beolng in Slytherin!" he continued, tears starting to form in his eyes.

"I've done my duty, Please move along." the hat stated firmly.

"But what IS Slitheen, we don't have a house by that name here." Dumbledore objected.

"The Master knows," the hat cackled, before collecting itself, saying "Next!"


End file.
